Last week, Carissa so so generously tagged me as an Honest Scrap.
Wait. Am I using “scrap” correctly? Can I be one? Or is it just like a shield of honesty that I hold? I don’t know. Let’s assume anything is possible.
I tweaked the rules a little and went with ten honest things that risk me looking like a tool in your eyes. So, here’s a list guaranteed to make you remember Smash Mouth’s Why Can’t be Friends?1
10 Things You’d Hate About Me
1. I don’t know much, but I know I argue. Really. Me: not that smart about a lot of things. But sometimes I like to argue just to see if you are.
2. I don’t really like chocolate. I mean, I’ve always eaten chocolate chip cookies and I will drink Swiss Miss with a smile. And I’m coming around in the last few years with some desserts. But I’ve never even had a chocolate bar; of any kind.
3. Attention to your detail. Ladies: I will probably know if that matches (though, I admit, maybe not why). Dudes: if you try to convince me the New Orleans Saints play in the NFC Central, I will remind you the Central is now the North and then list all 32 teams by division.
4. I gets deep, yo.2 I was a high school debater, a philosophy major and then a law student. I can’t help it. Sometimes I really do want to talk about things like race and gender. And so I might ask you a question that makes you uncomfortable. I just hope you’d know I do it with the hope that you’d do the same for me.
5. I’m a morning person/not a coffee drinker. Aside from one shot of espresso at the Empire Diner, I’ve never had a full cup of coffee in my life. And, no: not really that curious.
6. I’m a doer. I have things to do. What things? Good question. I don’t know. But I need to get them done. I say things like “I’ve got so much to do today” without any idea what they are. I just struggle with being idle.
7. I take ignorance very seriously. I don’t like excuses for it and don’t forget it easily. So, for instance, I haven’t seen an episode of Seinfeld — a show I used to love — since Michael Richards opened his mouth too widely at the Laugh Factory in 2006. The sight of him makes me sick.
8. I think Megan Fox is so obviously unattractive-with-the-face that there must be some media conspiracy to convince us otherwise because everyone seems to disagree with me.
9. I think we’re all at least amateur mind-readers. So maybe you don’t know exactly what I’m thinking. But even dogs know “sad,” “happy” and “afraid,” so I’m thinking we can figure out some silent communication, too. If I have to produce a report detailing how you possibly could have offended/hurt me every time you do, well, I will take note of that but don’t actually expect any memos after the first time.
10. I fill empty space with opinions. If you don’t have a plan or opinion, then I will just make one up and keep moving. Life is short, kids. It’s not that I even really believe my idea is a good one. It just sounds better than sitting on my hands.
_____________
1Or maybe not, since after listening to it for the first time in years, I have no idea what that song is actually about.
2That’s what he said.
I do not GET you non-coffee drinkers!!! How do you LIVE?!?! And what I mean by that is I’m so jealous you never suffer caffeine headaches…
Also, Megan Fox is ass ugly. In the face. “Jennifer’s Body” confirmed this long-held belief of mine. Glad to know I’m not alone on this one.
The trailers for Jennifer’s Body bothered me for all of the wrong reasons.
I prefer the physically challenged to the term birth defects, but I consider a failure to appreciate coffee an actual birth defect.
Oh, and Megan Fox has clearly made a deal with the devil, and by devil, I mean Rupert Murdoch.
My growth as a human is forever stunted? Well, when you put it like that…
See these things make me like you more. Especially the fact that you get deep and that you think Megan Fox is unattractive.
Thanks. But with her, I honestly don’t get it. I’m really, really confused.
MF has a killer bod. Her hair is also amazing. I cannot believe I am defending her.
Killer as in toned? Yeah. Sure. She could still use a biscuit or two, though. But I also noticed you said nothing to defend her face. And that makes sense, because it is indefensible.
#1 drives me *crazy* – mostly because I know someone who does the same thing, just to be an ass.
On the other hand, I like to do it, too. Go figure.
It can be one of my worst flaws. But as long as I don’t cross the line, I think it’s really, really fun. And I don’t mind having it thrown right back at me.
Ignorance makes one instantly unattractive.
Instantly. And it’s extremely hard to make up for that.
I always wondered if you were trying to see if I was smart or not when we first met. #1 proves it. Did I pass?
Haha. Of course. But god, now I feel like I was some sort of interrogator. At least this proves I’m being honest; eh?
I will never understand morning people who don’t need coffee – but I will envy you.
I agree with you on Megan Fox, but who would you consider to be Hollywood gorgeous?
Nothing is more interesting than a legitimately deep conversation. Unfortunately, some people don’t enjoy thinking.
I love Kerry Washington, Christina Hendricks, Ms. Hayek…
Even bigger question– is chocolate okay if it’s with peanut better?
Because there’s nothing I love more than a reese’s cup.
Uh oh.
I’ve never had a Reese’s.
Should this be called “Ten things you LOVE about me?”
I think it should be. Yes.
I heart you man (and TOTALLY want a good debate with you! I HATE when people assume it’s a “fight” not a heated debate. Lame asses.)
Right? Passion and feelings are totally different things. You can argue with passion and have someone shout back without having your feelings hurt.
I hear you on the chocolate… I am not a fan either!
If you dont want Megan Fox, I’ll take her.
Good to hear it. I mean, chocolate is cool. But just… cool.
Nope still like you! But I can’t believe you don’t like chocolate or coffee. That doesn’t make me like you any less, just makes me think you are weird. And I like weird.
I do the same thing with empty space. I cannot stand silence, which is something that I’m sure a lot of people don’t like about me… but I will go on for ten minutes about how I think the chair would look better on the other side of the room… just because I don’t have anything else to say… when really I don’t care!
“…when really I don’t care!”
Yes. I spend a lot of time saying nothing of any real consequence.
I, also, don’t drink coffee. Never acquired the taste for it and have no desire to start. But I will take any excess chocolate you’re looking to offload.
“I’m thinking we can figure out some silent communication, too. If I have to produce a report detailing how you possibly could have offended/hurt me every time you do, well, I will take note of that but don’t actually expect any memos after the first time.”
Dang, I offend you that often?
I used to think that everyone thought like me and reacted the same way and pretty much valued the same things. I know my mother often assumes that because she starts a lot of comments about other people with “Wouldn’t you think…” as if EVERYbody thinks that.
Now? I’m amazed that we can communicate at all. Thick Nhat Hahn said: “We are not capable of understanding each other and this is the main source of human suffering.” A little extreme but closer to my current philosophy than my original take.
Right. The human condition: being part of collective loneliness. I agree with a lot of that; that no one really knows me. But I still think there’s a lot of room for intuition.
So much fun sometimes to argue for the sake of arguing. My mom said I should have been a lawyer because I like arguing so much. It’s just fun to see what others will say.
As for the coffee…well you know how I feel about that. And give me a piece of chocolate with it, I will be in HEAVEN.
It’s so much fun just to see what happens.
Love your Honest Scrap/10 Things I (Don’t) Hate About You list! Happy that I found your blog through Refugee’s post today and look forward to reading more!
Welcome! Put up your feet and get comfortable.
I don’t hate any of those things about you. In fact, they make me want to come to DC and have a beer and talk about uncomfortable things.
I’ll buy the first couple rounds.
Not a coffee drinker? Really? I wish I had that kind of natural stamina to exist without the aid of chemical enhancements.
I’m guilty of your first one, too. I should really read up on some of these things before spouting off some pseudo-intellectual nonsense. I’d just rather have an opinion than not, and I’m usually too lazy for the research a well-thought out opinion requires.
It’s a dangerous game: wanting to have an opinion but not wanting to support it with statistics and “facts.” But it’s one I’ll keep playing.
I just ate a Snickers bar. We’re done.
I will win you back. Somehow.
Why and why not are my favourite questions. I’ve learned a lot over the years from playing devils advocate.
Megan Fox is not that hot.
I just like people who have ideas. They don’t even really have to believe in something; it would be cool if they just knew why they didn’t believe in something.
You know I’m glad i finally know a man who doesn’t like Megan Fox. I don’t know how she is hot either, I’m just assuming she is because everybody said so.
Good thing you are true to yourself, most people deny themselves in order to please other people. Life is indeed to short to waste nonsense. We must be aware of ourselves and grow.
1. no candy or coffee? Wow.
2. I never saw the Michael Richards thing until I clicked on your link. I’m totally speechless, completely speechless. Disgusting.
I love this idea so much. I think I’ll steal it. I’m totally with you on #3 and I think it would be weird if we debated, because my tactics and motivations are very similar, except I’ve got a little more ego involved.
That you get deep makes me like you so much. That you are an early riser and don’t drink coffee, makes me wonder HOW?!?, and I used to think that Megan Fox was beautiful, the someone put way too many chemicals and knifed her face, so now she gives me the creeps
I agree so much with number 8. And her tattoos creep me out. I’m glad Carissa made you do this!
I think I like all of these things about you. Don’t tell me what I’d hate.
Telling you what you’d hate is probably another thing you’d hate about me.
Well, that last one was from me. Oops.
No worries.