Hater tots: I eat ‘em; with melted cheese and ketchup. And when my plate is empty, I’m Oliver Twist. I can’t help it, really. It’s a disease. But I don’t want a cure.
Case in point: I hate the DC sports market. I have had to suffer through more Wizards and Redskins games than I can remember. Every. single. year, I listen to pundits ignore logic, empirical evidence and reasonable limits on hope and imagination as they insist that this is their year. Not only has this mythical year not happened while I’ve been here (a decade), it hasn’t happened since 1991.
But they keep promising that it’s coming. I find balance by enjoying their losses and shortcomings. Such is the essence of hating.
Yesterday, like every Sunday this time of year, was devoted to football. And because networks tailor their broadcasts to viewing markets, I had to watch — you guessed it — the Redskins. But this time, it was different. This time, it was fun.
The Redskins lost to the Detroit Lions. The Lions hadn’t won a game yet this year. They didn’t win a single game last year (the first team in history to lose all 16). Actually, the Lions hadn’t won a game since 2007.
Be still, my hating heart. It was glorious.
My first instinct was to turn to the local Redskins coverage channel, CSN. This is what I do every time the Redskins lose. I revel in the dismay of their fans. After any loss, I’m guaranteed a solid hour of “How could this be?” and “Where did it all go wrong?” But on a day when the home team had lost to the worst team in sports history, fan reaction such as “we need new everything” and “worst day of my life” made this cold heart lukewarm.
The only reason it wasn’t the highlight of my hating weekend is because on Saturday night, America’s favorite golden boy, Tim Tebow — University of Florida quarterback and appointed center of the all-that-is-moral-compass — got rocked. I mean, he got hit like a blindfolded piñata. That’s right: a blindfolded piñata. It was a great moment. But don’t just take my word for it. Reactions from all kinds of sources have been streaming in, like this one, for example:
It was the best thing since sliced bread.
– spokesperson, Wonder Bread
You’re just not watching the right washington teams. Watch the caps. Hockey is better than any other sport and the caps never disappoint.
Everyone says that. And they were great last season. I should go to a Caps game.
Huh. I don’t follow sports, so don’t know or mind much about the Redskins or any other team, but I so agree with you that people take it disproportionately terribly when their teams lose! Like, come on guys. It truly, in the most literal of senses, could not matter any friggin’ less.
I have no idea where we get it from. My dad actually isn’t really into sports. It just… happens.
Apparently DC and Toronto have more in common than I thought. Bloggers and losing sports teams and lamenting fans. No wonder I feel as though I’m among kindred spirits.
Only the kindredest.
Well. I just destroyed grammar there, didn’t I?
Yes, I miss the crazy Redskins fans almost as much as I miss the insufferable humidity… As in, not AT ALL.
They go hand in hand. As the humidity starts to fade, Fall brings in the football season.
Moving from Boston to DC where there are GREAT sports teams, (um, yes they are), it’s been SUCH a let down. I’ll only go watch the Wizards play (especially against the Celtics – GO CELTICS!) because until last year, they didn’t suck AS MUCH.
Lots of caps in this comment of mine.
Haha. Lots. But it’s deserved. Boston has owned the sports world for the last decade.
We have sports teams in DC? Huh…
Right. Not professional teams.
I kind of loved the Redskins loss. I admit, I chuckled to myself last night, thinking of how many disappointed fans would be in the office today.
Does that make me mean?
No. It makes you a good, well-rounded person who can appreciate the misery of division rivals.
Uh, move to Dallas. It’s just as bad. Probably worse. Because our fans are still pissy even when their Cowboys win…it’s never enough. I hate it.
And that? Is one of the many reasons I’m not a Cowboys fan.
I love that you’re not a Cowboys fan. And not just because I’m a 49ers fan, but because I grew up just outside NYC and no one could understand why I didn’t love the Yankees. I just never understood the rabid fandom.
I don’t watch sports but it is funny how personally people take whether their teams win or lose. Ever want to see a Canadian male get emotional? Put him in front of a hockey game and watch the drama unfold! LOL
We are so conditioned to love our teams. I don’t know when it started for me. I know I was a little kid.
I am totally torn between an Always Sunny costume, or the Tim Tebow/Jesus combo I told you about for Halloween.
I have no idea how you’re going to make this decision. We have 4 weeks to help you.
I couldn’t find a single fan of the Washington Football Franchise at my usual Sunday night bar. Seemingly they all skulked from the room before I arrived.
Seriously, losing to the worst franchise in the game is embarrassing…I guess that’s why the Lions brought their A game to avoid it.
Still laughing at the last line hours later.
As I said over at Liebchen’s place, I watched most of the game rooting for the Lions.
Ever since my days living in pre-Carolina Panthers North Carolina when I was forced to watch Foreskins games every Sunday, I’ve hated them. An incompetently run, poorly coached team with delusions of grandeur that struggles for, and fails to reach, mediocrity. Until they learn you can’t buy a championship, the skins are going to continue to suck.
The Foreskins. Well played.
i’m a cleveland browns fan brad. ’nuff said.
You guys need all the help you can get. As long as you’re not playing my Niners, I’ll pull for you.
I’m so glad somebody else was happy to see the Redskins lose… to the Detroit Lions…
It was bliss.
Way to go Lions! I was so psyched when this happened. HAHA Redskins! It was wonderful.
So psyched. It really did make my day.