This here is a media blitz. Ready? Let’s go.
First up, Different Worlds by Swedish progressive metal band Evergrey.
Let’s not mix words: worst song ever.
Eighth track on their third album, In Search of Truth. The album is a concept album. The concept is simulated alien abduction. True to concept, some of the lyrics:
All my pride has left me
My value as a human has been extinguished
My close ones those who love
Disbelieve me won’t believe me
So I got no one to confide in
And what’s worse is
I’m beginning to accept this
My body’s become my prison
My keepers are what you would call…
Fiction.
Enough said, right? Nope there’s more. At the 3:46 mark, the frontman starts audibly shivering and shaking, barely able to murmur-chant anything other than “Please don’t touch me.”
You are welcome.
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Next at the podium,
I call “bullshit.”
Seriously. I don’t get it. I haven’t been this bamboozled since the new nanny my mom hired when we were kids showed up with presents on the very first day we met her and then it all ended a few months later after she moved her 30 year-old son in (like we wouldn’t notice) and we had to call the police to have them forcibly removed from the premises.
The last time I’ve seen any production receive this much hype and fail me so hard was Scarface. I waited three hours for that anti-epic to finish and by then I’d already seen the “climactic” final plunge so many times elsewhere that I wanted my 25 bucks back. Yes: 25. I actually just bought the damn thing at Best Buy because everyone assured me it would be life-changing. Six years later, I just want to throw it out.
But I know some of you really like Glee. And the fact that I think it’s just a series of YouTube-worthy clips with no appealing writing whatsoever is just me being me. So, to even out the hate, I’ll throw you a bone.
I own Garden State. There. Said it. Call it a Jersey thing. Fair?
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Finally, Cougar Town.
There were a couple of gems:
Supporting actress #1(“SA1″) — photo, rear — said “crack-a-lackin” and had a visible boob-hickey. Star cougar, Courtney Cox, said “coochie cooch.”
But the best was this scene outside Courtney’s front door:
[Knock on door. Courtney opens and sees young guy she met at the bar. Drunk SA1 in background screaming from midnight blue VW Beetle with its top down has dropped him off.]
SA1: “Hey! You left that at the bar, bitch!”
But there’s one glaring error: Courtney Cox is the only cougar in Cougar Town. There is no town full of cougars. Sure: at some point, she goes to a bar/cougar lair. But a bar is not a town. And that, my friends, is false advertising. It’s like going to the zoo to see the monkeys and in the pen there’s only one, lonely, botoxed, twitching monkey.¹
But I’ll watch again. I mean, it’s about cougars.
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¹Obviously, women are not like monkeys. Do not go call your girlfriend a “monkey” and tell her I said it was cool.
I have yet to catch an episode of “Cougar Town” or “Glee.” And, hell, I’ve never even *heard* of Evergrey.
But…well, given your opinions on all of the above, I’m thinking I am not missing out on anything…
Sometimes, being so glaringly behind in pop culture ain’t that bad.
Evergrey was brand new to me until yesterday when it came up on shuffle on Imeem.com. You are missing nothing. Actually, you’re probably gaining.
You own Garden State? I may have to rethink our friendship.
I knew it. I did. Thought of you. But maybe we can grow from here?
There’s nothing wrong with Garden State is there?
I’m eager to hear what you think about Cougar Town- I heard it wasn’t about an entire town of Cougars like you said, but I too would probably keep tabs on it because hell… it’s about Cougars.
And for the record is Courtney Cox a cougar? Shit.
Y’know just to be fair there should be a show called “Dirty old man Town”. Fair is fair right.
Fair is definitely fair. And I think that show would be comic gold.
I love Glee. Simply because of the one liners. And the dancing.
It’s not the best show out there…I like it simply because it’s one of those shows where I can turn off my brain and just enjoy it.
My dad really loved last night’s episode. As ‘simple’ as it is, it still addresses some issues and make you go “Hmm.”
Yeah. I had issues. There was one specific line. And it wasn’t raised as an issue; it was used as a joke. Didn’t really find it that funny. Otherwise, it seemed harmless. I really just expected to be floored by its brilliance with the way the marketing machines were hyping it.
I don’t get Glee. But I’m always too lazy to change the channel after So You Think You Can Dance (Best. Show. Ever.) so I end up watching it anyway. Meh.
We watched because the whole TV-watching world kept telling us it was the best new show of the year. Uh…
I don’t watch Glee, but I like the music. So I’ll listen to that. I’m just done with teenager shows I think.
The music is okay. Though the version of Gold Digger was unbearable for us.
I love Glee. I don’t know why, but it makes me smile for the entire episode. And I adore the guidance counselor, although I did have a dream she was a serial killer. Still love her.
How can’t you? Even with the quirks/killer-tendencies, she’s really cute. But still.
“But there’s one glaring error: Courtney Cox is the only cougar in Cougar Town. There is no town full of cougars.”
That’s the biggest issue? To be fair, I haven’t seen it (or Glee, or heard of Evergrey), but I feel like there must be so much more to pick on…
The bad writing? There was a bunch of that. The predictability? That, too.
Glee is just cutesy and brainless, an easy watch with a one-liner here and there that makes me snicker. Similar to what PQ said, for me it’s a good show to zone out to on the couch at the end of the day.
In the vein of similar TV gripes, my trusty SVU season premiere disappointed me mightily last night. I am still sad-faced.
Oh no. Really? I haven’t seen SVU in a while. But I’d heard it was still pushing out good episodes.
“Obviously, women are not like monkeys. Do not go call your girlfriend a “monkey” and tell her I said it was cool.”
What if it’s said with affection?
Ook.
Then she is the monkiest of monkeys.
I don’t even know who Evergrey is and their lyrics looks awful.
As for Glee and Cougar Town, I didn’t watch either. People may hate me for saying this, but they didn’t look at all interesting to watch. I’m sticking with CSI (NOT Miami), Criminal Minds and New Adventures of Old Christine thankyouverymuch.
Thank goodness it’s not CSI Miami. David Caruso looks like a crime to me. I don’t know what crime. But there’s just so much sleaze in everything he does that I assume it’s also criminal.
Glee = [X] dislike
I <3 me some Courtney Cox.
She’s the head cougar.
Haha. I said “head cougar.”
As far as Glee, I have enjoyed it. But I liked the pilot (first) episode more than I have liked any of the others since then. I enjoy the songs and stuff, though. Overall, hope they step it up some.
Right. I get the songs part. It’s really just the time when no one is singing.
Laughing because one of my many pet names for my hubby wubby is “monkey butt” … so I guess it’s ok for women to call men monkey.. BUT it’s not cool to call your woman monkey. ha. Love the double standards when they work with me and not against me.
Oh, I kid the ladies and the monkeys. We’re one big family of mammals.
I like Glee. I don’t usually laugh outright at it. But it’s clever. But obviously ridiculous. And the teacher dude makes me swoon a little.
I think his redhead teacher/counselor lady-friend is adorable. But even she doesn’t save it for me.
Speaking of new TV, B and I finally watched the cartoon after Always Sunny… OMG FTMFW. For reals.
I’ve been meaning to rewatch that all week because (duh) we’re not deleting any Sunny episodes and this got recorded with it somehow.
My roommate, who doesn’t really get How I Met Your Mother and the other shows that I watch actually liked Glee. It’s not on my must-watch list but I definitely get a kick out of the one liners.
As for Garden State, well, I want my two hours back after watching it. All I can remember from that movie are the excruciatingly long pauses between each character’s lines.
The one-liners are okay. But there are so many that for me it ends up feeling way too cute.