It’s not like I live in a metropolitan area or anything. I mean, everyone knows DC’s reputation for being the boondocks.¹ We’re unimpressed with sewage treatment and as for running water, well, we prefer our water wellish, stagnant and chock full of encephalitis-carrying ‘squitos.
So I should not have been surprised, on my walk home last night around 5:30, to see the latest in a long line of public urination on DC’s streets.
I was standing right where this marker is
As you may have already noticed, that’s not exactly a shady part of town where one comes to expect random acts of excretion. But as said above, I should’ve known better.
So I’m standing there, waiting to cross, on the phone with Miss Bianca, and in the little park in front of the old Greyhound building there’s a little girl-child without any pants on. I’m confused, because at first I don’t see any parental-like figure. But in a second, he appears.
The dad says something to her and she starts emptying the tank in the grass.
In broad daylight.
Without cover of shrubbery², bench or trashcan.
Just lets a river run through it.
And the dad applauds her. And I realized he is teaching his 3 or 4 year old daughter that public urination is part of growing up; that it’s the stage after diapers.
Let me make this clear: there are people all over the world teaching their cats and dogs to use the toilet in their homes. Yet, this man is teaching his human daughter to use any patch of grass she can find.
We are moving backwards, people. I take this one moment as irrefutable proof that we are raising a new generation of confused children. And we need to act quickly to buck the trend.
Hence, my newest invention: the bathroom.
Bathrooms are great. You can put them in virtually any building. They welcome just about anyone without judgment. Here’s hoping this catches on like wildfire.
_____________
¹Not the Aaron McGruder kind. The cow-tipping kind.
²If you’re a fan of wildly inappropriate humor and/or saying “TWSS,” you’ll understand why I couldn’t use the popular synonym of “shrubbery” in this context.
Mannnn…. And I was chiding my brother in law for letting my nephew hold himself up on the toilet seat at the local breakfast diner when he had to poop. The kid is three years old; he’d probably fall right through the seat if he didn’t brace himself. Even still, the thought of my nephew’s little hands placed squarely on a public toilet seat left a disturbing mental image.
However, this… This beats that. Out of the ballpark and beyond.
Ha. He probably would’ve fallen through.
At least it was on the grassy knoll. Still a piss poor thing to do. (Much like this joke.)
I believe in equal opportunity for all jokes. Well, not all. But definitely enough to include this one.
Well, we did teach the three year old to pee on the beach behind a chair and blanket and then run into the water to wash off. But only because she was potty training and insisted we take her up the hill to the bathroom every twenty minutes to “try.”
Totally acceptable. The key is “behind a chair… wash off.” This, however, was rush hour on a major street.
Was there toilet paper involved in this? Littering and public urination all in one life lesson.
I don’t know if that would’ve been worse or better. But I didn’t hang around long enough to see.
helloooo sex offenders list…. creepy…
Seriously. Do not put your child on display.
You footnoted shrubbery all I was expecting was this.
And I should probably go steal that little girl. She’s clearly my TMIT heir.
She was a trooper. She just did what her dad said. No shame.
I can guarantee my parents would have made hold it. You only squat and shake when there’s really no other option. Like camping.
Exactly. When there’s no other option.
That little girl is going to:
1) end up on COPS.
2) realize too late that her dad has taught her to pee outside and have a bathroom/daddy complex and be THAT girl who gets RKelly’d AND Biggie Small’d simultaneously.
You get it.
I do. So that makes us geniuses, right? No! Super-geniuses who should rule the world.
We should rule the world because we both agree that fast food joints should serve alcoholic beverages out of a fountain.
Super size please.
why didn’t you twit pic it?
kidding.
kind of.
Haha. I like my freedom. Prison is rough.
Was the kid drunk? Cause I pee in public if I am pretty hammered.
Maybe she had had too much Juicy Juice.
This is why I always avoid random puddles and trickles. ALWAYS. It is a rule.
If you don’t know the source…don’t STEP.
It does all kinda remind me of films set in the 1700s where the city folk just dump their chamberpots into the street.
You know, right before they all got the plague.
Best-placed plague joke in a long, long time.
that is just…. wrong. What is people thinking?
I think he thought it was cute. No idea.
Wow. That’s pretty freaking bad when you see that in D.C. What’s next? Nevermind…I don’t want to know what’s next.
Neither do I. Neither do I.
*meh! Men/boys do it all the time. I say it’s equal opportunity all the way!
Haha. Yes. Yes they do. A lot in this city. Way too much. On everything.
when i was like 3 or so, i told my parents from the back seat of the car that i had to go to the bathroom. we were in the middle of nowhere, so after driving a while longer and still not coming upon any bathroom-having-structures, my parents pulled the car over and said i could pee in the grass on the side of the road. i looked at them in horror and announced:
“i am not a DOG!!”
this little girl’s parents? apparently are teaching her exactly the opposite lesson.
But at least you were on the side of the road miles from civilization. This man and his daughter were 70 feet from a Subway.
DC cease to amuse me. =)
It is the city of angels. No. The city of dreams. Wait; no… The city of lights? No, no; that can’t be right.
I once went on a day of errands with my three year old nephew. I planned poorly for the last leg of the trip. With him complaining about having to “go really bad” and no options around, I may or may not have detoured him into an school parking lot.
I may or may not have thought this was a better idea than ruining the interior of my new ride.
Haha. Understood. But I bet you didn’t applaud him when it was all over.
bathrooms are dirty…people hardly ever clean them…the outdoors smell so much better – and it is not so claustrophobic.
Actually, I guess that’s fair.
Well, if the streets are yellow, what do you expect?
Gypsy Cabs and public urination- I’m not surprised.
Maybe he wasn’t teaching her. Maybe she really had to go. From my personal experience, I can say that DC doesn’t have enough public restrooms. There are the plethora of McDonalds or Starbucks, but I feel bad sometimes going in to take advantage of the bathroom without buying anything. he museums are a prime spot to pee though, but they are only in a select part of town which is not always convenient to go to.