Allegedly, I’m there.
You know, there, right? That place on the American life’s timeline where engagements and real estate purchases make their appearances; the one where your parents do a stellar job of “subtly” remarking on the preciousness of grandchildren; the place where you either start watching Rogaine commercials more closely or start waxing your upper lip (you know, depending on whether you were born a bird or a bee)¹.
Allegedly, I’m there. I’ll be 27 in less than two months and while that is still, in my opinion at least, really young, it’s also an age ripe for fielding expectations disguised as questions, like
What do you do? Is she/he The One? Where do you live? Do they have good schools there?
Of course they’re fair questions; of course. But if the questions are asked in rapid-fire succession or their answers are awaited by 24 curious eyes, it’s enough to make anyone other than the most secure with what’s to come unsure about what to say.
After I write this, we’re headed out to say goodbye to some friends who are moving because they are embracing being already there. And, I admit, it’s pretty vain of me to be so consumed with what their leaving means for my timeline. Not every object should be held up as a mirror. It’s probably a lot like checking my reflection in the window of a car I walk past.
But, maybe, since these questions are all everyone seems concerned with lately, maybe it’s cool if all I can do is think about the answers.
_________
¹Still have no idea what an interspecies analogy has to do with the sexes.
I find that when my friends seem to be moving forward in their twentysomething lives, I feel like I have to catch up or something. Blah, it’s just an awkward feeling. Sometimes I just have to remind myself to chill out and stay at my own pace. Everything is cooooool…
Own pace is much better. Must, pace, self.
Oh we are at an intersection, where some people are racing through life faster than others and others are questioning if they need to speed up or slow down.
Quarter Life Crisis you are my new best friend.
Definitely at an intersection. Maybe even a crossroads.
The whole being ready for the next stage of life is really scary to me! All I want is still chillaxing, going to school, gossiping with my girls, do my music every time I want and going out and about. It’s hard to still do that when everyone is engaged one by one, or pregnant.
And since I’m a girl, and raised in asian culture, the pressure to be ready for husband, children, and real world is already here and will get stronger soon. I’m just 22 dammit, let me play some more. Haha.
Yeah; it’s weird. I’m ready for the next stage. But it’s sort of like I’m writing a book and all I’ve got are drafts so far… and everyday people keep asking “So, uh, you writing a book? How’s it going? What’s it about? How much longer before I can read it?”
Not to wish anything bad on your friends, quite the contrary, but just because they seem to have a clear trajectory, doesn’t mean they have the right trajectory. You’ve made a number of significant changes in the last year, no need to stress about more just now.
Thanks. That means a lot. I’ve been trying very, very hard.
I am with lacochran. Moving forward doesn’t mean they are going the right way.
Yet, I feel you.
Right. It’s easy to understand; just harder to accept sometimes.
Ahh, 27…. That’s the year I stopped watching anyone else’s trajectory and chose my own.
Left a paying job to join the unemployed sect. Left a city I’d made my home to take an address in a city I’d only ever visited. Left a boyfriend to become single again. Left a beautiful, one-bedroom, all-my-own apartment to move in with my sister and brother in law.
And more than a year later, I’m no closer to marriage, a mortage, or babies. I’m almost 29. And happier than I’ve ever been.
We can’t ignore the paths those close to us take; we’re witnesses to their journeys. But their journey isn’t our own. And thank god for that.
So true. Thank god for that. I would never actually trade my friends/family/journey for anything.
Some days I want to move ahead like that, other days I’m more than content to just take it easy and let things happen. Also, for the record, I don’t think it’s vain for you to think about your timeline with their moving. It’s only natural to put things in your own perspective.
Cool. I was hoping it was something other people did, too.
But what is being “there”? Where is “there”? Maybe “there” is the moment we are in right now.
I think we’re always rushing to get here or there, but never looking at where we’re standing at that particular moment in time.
Oh and you are still so young!
I’m still a baby. It’s true.
I some point I found the perfect excuse: to be an eternal student. When you’re finally done, nobody wants to ask anymore. Maybe by then having been already married and divorced had something to do with the lack of questioning as well. Who knows.
Great to meet you on Saturday!
So great to meet you, too!
And I want to go back to school. What for? Who knows? But not for a good, good while.
I thought I was there. Then it turned out I was just at the cusp of there…and I wanted to be multiple places at once.
Yes! The want to be in multiple places is so strong.
It’s definitely difficult to watch the ones around you, people you care about, move on in their lives when you aren’t quite there yet. I’ve had so many friends get married in the past year, and every time I get an invitation there’s a part of me that’s jealous. But at the same time, I wonder if they’re rushing into something they aren’t ready for and am secretly thankful that I’m not having to make those decisions just yet.
The bottom line is, it’s your life. Sometimes you just have to look the asker in the eye and say “I don’t want to talk about that ” or “it’s none of your business.” It’s really very satisfying
.
I have to try that. Really. Because I think that would make all the difference in the world.
There is so much uncertainty in one’s 20s, but I can’t deny that even w/ the great unknown present, I’m having a lot of fun.
Dude. Your summer alone has been epic.
35 here…and still the same questions. And just when you think you’ve reached your destination…look, a new road. It keeps going and going.
And I’m actually really excited about that. I am loving that I’m not as sure as I thought I was supposed to be. Every once in a while, I get nervous when I feel compared, but that doesn’t linger very long.
I have a feeling I’m going to trip and fall into a whole mess of THERE.
Hopefully it’s Moonbouncy when I do.
After we all buy a monkey together, can we buy a moonbounce?
Isn’t the confusion half the fun? Come on, despite all the drawbacks, you have to admit this is exciting.
Absolutely. Not even a question. This was one of the posts that lasts only as long as it took me to write it.
I remember when I turned 25 I was bawling all day because that was MY “there” moment. All my friends were married and some even divorced by the then. And me? I was still living life and loving it. Don’t you know you’re supposed to be full of bills and stress and car payments and mortgage payments by the time you’re 25 (or in your case 27.. or 30, etc) What a loser I was! LOL Now I just laugh and laugh at how depressed I was that I no responsibilites and was so carefree back then. I mean.. ummm.. HELLO? Since when is that a bad thing?
It’s so true. Living it is not bad. Not bad at all.