No more anticipation. A barely-awake, looks-like-it-was-dubbed, poorly-lit video you’ve been dying to see:
Don’t have flash at work? No problem. I transcribed the video for you exactly as it went down; no exaggerations; with set directions and dialogue:
[Michael Buffer entry ("Let's get ready to rumble!")]
[Enter stage right to "Run This Town" -- Jay-Z (feat. Kanye West and Rihanna)]
me: Hey. I’ve taken a few minutes out of my busy schedule — reacclimating abandoned baby white tigers to the wild, teaching neighborhood children how to ride low-rider bikes and preaching the merits of health care plans to pimps all over the world — to keep a promise to you.
Last Friday, you kept your end of the bargain and left a note on a post. We are gathered here today to join one of you and a Disney DVD in sacrilegious, not-remotely-analogous-to-the-real-thing matrimony.
Verne, the entries please.
[Verne Troyer enters with a magician's hat full of names.]
me: And the winner… will be revealed right after this message from our sponsors.
[Commercials from Cialis and FloMax.]
me: We’re back. And without further ado, the winner is…
[Drumroll. Baited breath.]
me: Kim from Repliderium.com!
Congratulations, Kim! If you still want the animated Disney DVD of your choice, I’ll email you and get your info so I can send you your dream come true.¹
_________
¹Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.²
²No, seriously. I still pony-express everything.
You should of thrown in a Marvel DVD for good measure…
I can’t wait until Wolverine fights Goofy.
Damn it! I never win. Hmph. Forget you!!
Who am I kidding? You had me all over again with the footnote within a footnote.
Way to redeem self, self! You had me worried.
Ha! Loved the video and the transcripts, too.
First class rustling. Very authentic.
I always put the accent later: re-pli-DEER-i-um. Now I’m feeling like my whole life may have been a lie. Ack.
You know, maybe it is DEER. Now my whole life is a lie.
Oh man! I guess fingers crossed doesn’t work for everything. *grumble grumble*
But…best sponsor ever (from the video, obvi)!
Best sponsor ever. If only they actually knew who I was…
Ooooo- make your next giveaway the pony!!!
Can do. Should I rig it so you win?
I don’t think I entered, but I never win anyway. If you do a My Little Pony giveaway, please let me know in advance, so I can wear my lucky underwear when I enter.
That sounded more pervy than I ever thought it would.
Pervy is welcome.
I agree with LiLu–the next giveaway should be the pony. But also someone to take care of the pony.
Right. Because no one wants an unattended pony.
I felt as if I was watching PTI at like 6 am. Good show Kim.
<– officially stomping my feet like a 5 year old.
Aww. I’m sure we can give it another try in a while.