Hey, kids. *unh!* How you doin’? *unh!* I’m cool, I’m cool. I’m just — *unh!* — writing a post over here; no worries.
Why am I grunting? Well, I’ve been following a lot of tennis lately; watching a lot of highlights. It’s Wimbledon time — *unh!* — and no sound is more symbolic of a tennis grand slam match than a good *unh!* after every. single. shot. I’ve decided to grunt — *unh!* — intermittently while typing to show my affinity for the art of making guttural noises that have no place in the activity one chooses to perform.
I think Monica Seles made the after-shot grunt famous. It’s been around for years, but this year is arguably one of the gruntiest years to date. Just check out Portugal’s Michelle Larcher de Brito:
See what I mean? Ridicul — *unh!* — ous. Even the organizers of Wimbledon are mocking the grunts with this sponsored video:
Apparently, a bunch of people think there’s some sex appeal in the screaming.¹ This would go hand-in-hand with the All England Club’s admission that “physical attractiveness is taken into consideration” when determining which players are showcased on certain courts. Seriously: the Club uses some secret formula² to gauge the hotness of a player and then uses that to determine whether to feature the player on the famed, TV-rating bonanza, centre court, or to stick the player in the shadows of some distant patch of grass that just happens to have a net and maybe some lines on it.
I get the fascination with 20-somethings in tennis skirts. But nothing says “Ol’ Boys Club” — and gets you a phone call from Gloria Allred — like admitting they’re part of what is essentially your “summer bonus” process.
_________
¹ I know for a fact that my *unh!s* have made this post 3.7 times as sexy.
² I imagine…
old guy 1: she makes me proud to be a pill-carrying Cialis-user.
old guy 2: she can wimble my don any time she wants.
Maybe it’s meant to distract the opponent. Like:
Player 1: *lob* Shriek!
Player 2: What the… oh, um *lob*
Player 1: *lob* SHRIEK!
Player 2: Are they having a heart attack? *miss* Dang it!
It probably does distract. I know I’d be more focused on smashing an overhead into someone’s face than hitting a winner.
I grunt every time I send an e-mail. It makes me feel important and I think it might burn a few calories.
Ok I don’t and Lord help me if I ever get that calorie obsessed.
You should still grunt for the self-importance. Oh, and for the “screwing with coworkers” aspect.
“she can wimble my don any time she wants.”
Don is a lucky, lucky man.
Of course he is. She’s wimbling the bejebus out of him.
I’m going to start grunting at work. Especially when someone asks me to help them do something.
Ever watched Sharapova and S. Williams play against each other? I usually mute the TV.
I have. It’s so loud. Sharapova might be the loudest on the tour.
“wimble my don” should be part of the romance novel lexicon immediately. it needs no context to explain it’s meaning, and wimble will forever sound like a dirty word to me now.
I think you should write a romance novel and use it. Do it.
I generally watch football games with the sound muted because the commentary is mind numbingly inane. Tennis on the other hand usually has brilliant talking heads but I wish I could mute that the annoying grunt.
I think golf commentary is still my least favorite. Why are they whispering? They’re always in a box, above ground level, hundreds of yards from where the actual play is occurring.
I started to watch the clips and I realized it doesn’t sound like it’s safe for work at all.
I didn’t even think about that. Leave it to tennis to be NSFW.
“she can wimble my don any time she wants.”
Very nice. I would also go with, she can smack my balls any up and down the court, all day long. **Unnnnhh** yes, that was a Master P UUNNNNNHHH.
Is the grunting correlated with their hotness, if so I may start grunting every time I hit the computer keyboard, although I am worried that may get me fired for sexual harassment or something
“she can wimble my don any time she wants.”
-I am laughing hysterically over here…
-absolutely priceless.
-I was wondering if you were working out while writing this post…but tennis…hmm that explains it all.
I don’t like the grunting. But then again, I’m such a princess, I never make any noise.
I have to agree with Lusty Reader – “wimble” just sounds dirty now. But funny dirty, like I just want to giggle.