Underwhelmed by last night’s SYTYCD, I sorted through my go-to-channels (Discovery, NatGeo and Animal Planet). At any given moment, there is a show on at least one of those channels featuring adventurists gone wild, seemingly begging for a no-casket-death and poking at the fragile human/wildlife balance. I found “Lion Feeding Frenzy.”
The premise? Well, you can go here to watch a clip that explains it all. Basically, two morons place themselves in a prey box¹, get dropped off in the middle of lion country and then proceed to entice and tease hungry lions with actual carcasses dangling from trees, actual flesh placed on top of the box they’re in and fake, rubber “carcasses” set up around the box.
At first, I thought I’d write about just how spoiled-human it was for two guys to initiate staged feeding frenzies. Miss Bianca was right: no one cares about the safety of the idiots. Unlike people like me, though — who eat because food is there — lions eat almost exclusively for intertwined reasons: health and dominance. Encouraging them to fight amongst themselves to see who could be the biggest, or wasting the time they’d otherwise be hunting actual food by planting dummies, is ridiculous.
But forget all of that. I have a better idea.
I’d watch a show about someone putting the NYC Prep kids in a prey box and dropping them off in lion country.
credit: theinsider.com
Especially that kid in the center. There would have to be a catch, though: the prey box would have to have an “accidentally overlooked” structural flaw, such that… well, you know… hilarity ensues.
I missed my chance to throw a blog-based tantrum about those My Super Sweet 16 brats — a group Common tenderly calls out at the 1:37 mark in this video for a track on Finding Forever. But I want this show made: NYC Prey School.
The set-up: 5 derivatives-of-their-parents’-wealth, NYC prep school kids with a survival package — 2 hand mirrors, 1 cell phone and 3 cans of SPAM — a poorly manufactured prey box and a ravenous pack of male lions with something to prove. It would be a little like I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here, except better in every single way. Plus, since it’s my idea, I’d get paid for it and all of you would be invited to the red carpet premiere.
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¹They called it a “predator shield,” but come on — who are they kidding?
If by “hilarity” you mean “slaughter”, then I’m all aboard.
I see we’re using the same thesaurus.
Pretty in Pink called, they want James Spader back.
For serious. He’s trying so, so hard.
Is art imitating life imitating art? They look like they dressed the parts of Gossip Girl. Seriously, aren’t they already involved in a feeding frenzy?
I’ve only seen about 5 minutes of Gossip Girl, but your assessment is spot on with what I remember.
when I’m underwhelmed by what i’m watching, i always steer towards hulu
oh, how I LOVE hulu
I know. But I was using my computer to do about 6 other things…
I know what you mean about the guy in the center- he looks like a bellhop that wears flair.
He is wearing flair. Though, if you look closely, you can also see that he’s wearing a one size fits all asshat.
Sheer Genius! There should be a small window or opening in the box so the lion can stick his paw in and swat at them. Also, there should be a camera inside the box and the kids should be drenched in lambs blood. I mean, who doesn’t like a lion against a punk-ass prep kid covered in lamb’s blood?
Haha. The prey box actually did have hand-sized holes in it on the show.
This sounds phenomenal. Sign me up. I mean, to watch – clearly.
Oh, we’d never put you in the box. That would be cruel. And mostly because you’d be stuck with those kids, not because of the lions. You’re way too awesome for that kind of suffering.
Egad! Those “adventurists” are beyond stupid! Definite Darwin Award contestants!
I agree with your show idea. I don’t usually watch shows with teenagers in them, but I think yours could change my mind. LOL.
It’s hard to find shows with teenagers in them. Usually, they’re middle-20-somethings, like us, acting like teenagers.
we have eerily similar tv tastes and habits, but beyond our go-to-channels (OMG did you see the Deadliest Catch where everyone got injured?!?!) my BIGGEST standby is always American’s Funniest Home videos on ABCfamily. Tome Bergeron is always on when SYTYCD or other primetime shows are doing it for me.
They all got injured?! I didn’t see that. I saw the one where two of them got in a fight on the deck, though. That was pretty awesome.
My life will not be complete until I can watch that show. Seriously.
Like LiLu said, I would pay per view for it.
Sorry, I trailed off after I read you don’t watch SYTYCD. I almost left Dr. Copyright last night b/c he forgot to record it for me and I missed the first 51 minutes. Those are grounds for divorce, dammit!
No, I love SYTYCD. It’s the dance version of Idol. We watch religiously. The lion show started at 10 (after SYTYCD).
And they wouldn’t even need sponsors… I’m pretty sure we’d all be willing to pay an extra $5 a year in taxes, country wide, to see that shiz.
BRILLIANT.
Oh, easy. $5 would be nothing.
…chomp.
… gnosh.
francobeans.com, how do you do it?