Bored out of my mind, I sat down Sunday afternoon to find a marathon on TV. Actually, a TV marathon is the only marathon I’ve ever completed. It takes a special kind of fitness. It’s the only kind of marathon that is easier to finish the less you train. My regiment is food-based: 30 minutes of chewing for every hour of viewing.
Doubtful my pride could sustain another Domino’s pasta bread bowl…
… I threw a DiGiorno’s in the oven and felt only marginally better about myself.
What did I watch? VH1′s 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs. Awesome? Of course. But five things¹:
1. Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh’s The Show was number 51.
That’s a travesty of epic proportions. Not even the top 50? I can’t even count the tracks since then that have sampled different parts of this song. Actually, some of the songs ranked higher on the list sampled it.
I couldn’t even find a video with the whole 6 minutes. Why? Bandwidth limits on genius. The ranking was off by about 45 songs — easily.
2. I heard Soulja Boy say the first rap record he ever bought was 50 Cent’s “Get Rich or Die Tryin’.” And you know what? That explains everything. Also: how old does that make me, then? Damn.
3. There was a show on MTV called Celebrity Rap Superstar a couple of years ago. I didn’t know until yesterday. How bad was it?
That’s your answer.
4. I can still do the Kid ‘n Play. All I need’s a house party.
5. But most importantly, where’s my kangol? It looked like this
… except the roo and letters were gold. And the weirdest thing is that I didn’t lose it in 1987. I lost it sometime after 2005.
Have you seen her? I want it back.²
_________
¹For the best lists of five on the internet, though, go here.
²Yes: that is the entire point of this post.
This is a weak stomach morning, and the sight of that pasta bowl just about sent me running for sanctuary.
But the last link made up for it. Love it.
So, so good. The Chi-Lites. Man.
I will never understand the concept of a pasta bread bowl
It’s like eating cheesy queso!
It tastes like disappointment.
The first rap record he bought was that?
Really?
I think we’re getting so old, it’s time to take us out to the back and shoot us.
No way! I won’t go!
That pasta bread bowl looks like… nevermind. I’m sure it’s delicious.
VH1 lists always manage to entertain, sadden and infuriate me. Few things in life have that power. Also, 50 Cent?? Really?? That does explain a few things…
It explains a lot. Even putting all the judging aside (which isn’t too hard since that album is actually much better than any of his follow-ups)… I just can’t imagine being that young.
You seriously ordered one of those bread bowls?
I’m curious about them, but they horrify me at the same time….
I’ll admit: I’d do it again if someone asked really nicely.
Ladi mother fucking dadi. What a shame. Kids these days
. My first “record” ever was the Suger Hill Gang, yes I said record. The full size joint in a big ass orange cardboard sleeve. CLASSIC. Rappers Delight FTMFW!!!!!! I listened to it OVER and OVER again. Truly delightful.
Rappers’ Delight gets so much cred, and it deserves it. I just wish Caz hadn’t gotten so shafted. Hank’s whole verse was written by him and he never got official credit (i.e., still has never been paid a cent).
i totally had, er, have a kangol hat. its more of a pageboy style though. confession: i colored in the logo though with a black sharpie. haha.
Haha. That’s almost like sewing tigers on a polo.
That pasta bowl and Perez Hilton video both made me throw up a little in my mouth. You sir must have a cast iron stomach!
I do! I almost never actually get weak from visuals. It usually requires a smell.
D ordered one of those bread bowls…and I am pretty sure he spent apx 46 hours regretting it.
And you are far too kind.
It was hangover food when I tried it and I didn’t like it then.
And it is deserved.
VH1 totally sucks you in. I spent some time this weekend watching something like the top 100 hottest stars of the 90s. And I’m pretty sure Marky Mark was number one.
Was Catherine Zeta-Jones on that list? Because she was great before she met Michael Douglas.
Poor Kangol. I can only hope it found a happy home.
I’m worried that it has instead met some sad fate.
Show me a Hip Hop song made this decade and to which people will still rock 20 years hence, and I’ll show ya five from the 80s and 90s that will do the same thing.
The Show at No. 51 reminds me of all of the people who think that Lebron is the greatest player ever because they’ve only seen video of Jordan and have never heard of Oscar Robertson or Bill Russel.
There were a couple new tracks on the list that will last (mostly because of the beats). But the Lebron parallel is perfect. He’s amazing. But he’s also not a champion; not even a jump-shooter.
I seriously felt my arteries hardening as soon as I saw that pasta/bread monstrosity.
So you’re saying you want to try some?
I saw a guy wearing a Kangol as I was walking in the L’Enfant station this morning. It made me think of LL Cool J and his song Mama Said Knock You Out… which I saw on either VH1′s 100 Greatest Hip-Hop songs or Greatest Songs of the 90s awhile back.
Mine looked just like that. But LL’s was red.
Apparently I’m ridiculously swayed by commercials. The Stanley Cup playoffs were pushing heavily for the pasta bowls and since then I’ve been fighting off the urge to buy one and embrace my inner-glutton. Are you telling me it’s not as delicious as they look on tv?
Next thing, you’ll be telling me that those pizza hut pasta things don’t really taste like they would at an Italian restaurant.
I will not be telling you that about Pizza Hut, because I will not be eating that.
I’ve lost my endurance for TV marathons. I used to be so well trained, but now I stare at the screen for 3 minutes and I’m bored. I can’t believe the person I’ve become.
It helps to have my computer and phone in front of me. I actually don’t think I’ve just watched TV, with no “distractions,” in… some amount of months.
I’m seriously contemplating a sick day for the Season Two Don Draper, I mean Mad Men marathon on August 10th. Just don’t tell the romance factory.
Haha. Mad Men by any other name… I’ll keep your secret.
OMG I had TWO kangol hats! One black and one blue. Which reminds me, I need to go dig them up….
Oh, man: I would love to see that. Please, please, please wear one to the next happy hour.
Speaking of awesome musical times, I am so incredibly pissed I missed your alleged dance-off with Maxie on Friday. Who knew the strip club wouldn’t be the highlight of the evening??
Not me. I heard a slap so loud in that club, I thought someone was hurt. But we totally moved on to Heaven & Hell and got all… spiritual.
Delicious post for more reasons than that first ewie gewey picture.
Thanks! And I think I’m weaker than I admit. The more I look at that picture, the more I wonder if the one I had was just a bad one. Maybe all the others are better?
I used to alternate days between my Kangol and my Adidas visor back in ’98-’00. I thought I was so cool.
Um, you were.
Oh, wait: ’98? I read that as ’89. Still. You’re the coolest.
JesusMaryandJoseph. Did you order a pasta breadbowl?!?!?!?! All I want is to speak with someone who’s eaten one. I need a rundown.
Oh, yeah. We should’ve talked about it on Friday.
I doubt they are any better but the fact that you were bold enough to TRY one is deliciously hilarious in itself!
And the fact that L L Cool J was mentioned more than once?
Yummmmy delicious.
And the videos?
OMFREAKENGAWD deliciously nostalgic!
Oh, I’m bold. Bold… and stupid.