It was getting hot in here…
… so I wanted to take off all my clothes and walk the DC streets a little more freely. Naturally.
[parody video of my ensuing public nudity blocked by the YouTube]
Why would this have been better than staying inside? Because the air conditioner isn’t conditioning our air.
Whatever holds the coolant is about as dry and empty as every bottle of Disaronno I’ve ever met. This isn’t any different from last year, at about this time, when our landlord said he could fix the coolant issue then, but that the real issue was something else. Left ignored, of course, that something else would resurface as an issue the next year.
And that makes the situation we face the ever so popular definition of “insanity:” committing the same act and earnestly expecting different results.
And you know what insanity + a thermostat reading 87 does to a house with two dudes in it?
Yep. Makes it smell like balls. Schweddy balls (“SB”), to be exact.
Use a fan, why don’t ya?
I did. But when the thermostat is stuck at 87, as the SBs announce their presence to your nose, the best a fan can do is accelerate the waft to your face.
Open a window.
We live on arguably the busiest street in the city. It is also Route 50. There is constant traffic, human and vehicular. All this, plus not having a single screen on any window, means opening them would lead to the following items in our home:
- trash
- dust (seriously, it would be like a Saharan sand storm)
- strewn car parts
- neighborhood children
Now, obviously, none of this is really anything to complain about; not even the neighborhood children that would flood our house and rob us blind.
I just wanted you to know, dear readers, that this post was written with love. Hot, SB love. Instead of spending the night taking 6 consecutive cold showers to beat the heat, I, wrote this post, for you.
WTF happened to spring?
On the upside, I am wearing a white skirt today, dammit. It is summer, no matter what the calendar says. Screw waiting for Memorial Day.
Good for you. I’m wearing white, too. Though it is less of a skirt and more of a shirt. But it’s the same general refusal to cooperate.
Seriously, with the heat. I’d planned on waiting out the week with windows open, fans a blowin’ since I don’t have none of the Schweddy Balls issues or the busy street issues. My building says they’re going to be turning the air conditioning on, on Friday, but since they just turned the heat off a week ago, the building feels like a fucking sauna. When my thermostat hit 86 last night and I had a nose bleed because of it, I called time out and ran to my parents house (with central air) in Maryland where I will hole up until Friday. Oh how I love central air at the touch of a button. Mmmm.
I’d take a window unit. Or a space cooler. Do they make space coolers?
Awww… that’s commitment.
I’ve noticed the bugs are starting their explosion of summer joy around our place, too. Some of them are the size of the neighborhood children.
Commitment. Yes. There’s a big heart under here somewhere. There is also a hunger. Is it time for lunch, yet?
I’d say that I’m jealous of the heat, but really I’m not. Sorry.
It won’t last. Not this early. It should be back to normal by tomorrow. If not, I’m exporting some to you.
Have you ever seen the Elderly Choir singing Rap? It’s amazingly funny. Hot in Herre might be one of the songs they do.
Scope it out. Pay me money if you like it. It’s a recession. I need to rake in the dough.
I will come back to check this out in a minute. And if it’s good, are you on Paypal?
I get spring and yououou don’t. heheheh.
Oh, yeah? Well… Well…
Our A/C is broken, too. It is currently 87 degress in my apartment. I am thisclose to regretting my decision to call in sick today…
You are home today?! Wait, actually sick? Feel better quickly. But if not, see the following: *glares*.
This sucks. It’s warm in Toronto but raining. I’m ready to trade you.
Oh, we’ve had our share of rain. There’s been so much rain here, we could’ve been the base city for the re-birth of grunge.
Hie thee to a Barnes and Noble, then, there to while away a few blessed hours with a good book, an armchair, and air conditioning.
Won’t help the apartment situation, I suppose, but it’ll be a pleasant way to minimize exposure to it.
But, but… then what would I have to post about?
My apartment’s like a sauna, too. Think of it as a free spa treatment. From which there is no escape.
I’ve been in saunas before. There’s considerably more man-boob in them than in my place.
A bathtub full of chopped fruit and several grate dane sized bottles of vodka with a splash of juice is the only cure for sb that I am aware of. It’s radical, it’s experimental, but it’s worth every ounce of vomit.
While not a vodka aficionado, I make exceptions for just about any alcohol served in quantities that large. Especially when paired with only a splash of juice.
my windows were open overnight and now my sofa is covered in yellow pollen. no neighborhood children though. we might not have screens on our windows, but we do have bars.
Oh no. Do you guys have allergies? That would be madness.
And we only have bars on the windows we least need to have bars. Figures.
Dude, be careful! SB can easily evolve into SA. Look, swamp ass can wreck your day. Stay dry bro, stay dry!
Knowing me, the day I let anything devolve into swamp ass is the day I’ve up and quit on life.
Everyone in DC needs to take a deep breath and know that this early season heat wave (record or near record temperatures since last Friday) will be over and Spring will resume in three days.
Though I too am sick of the heat, I know that spring will be returning and cool nights of outdoor drinking ensuing soon.
But I’m not sick of the heat, outside. I like the 90 degrees. I’ve been waiting for it. It’s the 87 degrees in my house that is never seasonally appropriate, not even in winter.
no allgergies luckily, otherwise college in north carolina woulda killed us. bars on the wrong windows sounds terribly ineffecient, like everything in DC.
What we really need are screens. I’d love a breeze to flow through the house.
I have Central Air at my place but it’s not too efficient. My floors are cool but the hot air likes to rise… wait a minute….
I don’t mind missing spring however- yay to no coat flip/flop weather!
No coats! I need new flips. Flips. Can I call them “flips?” The whole word just seemed so awkward and hyphenated.
*deflects glare with utter satisfaction of sitting at home drinking beer all day*
*admits with eyes that you have won this round*
Blech, it’s been SOOOO hot! Your post made me think about people who go commando when the weather is so warm, to avoid the sweaty issues (because us girls get sweaty crotches too). Sometimes I wonder if I could ever actually do that, haha.
Commando is a dangerous game. You can’t do it in anything that has a zipper. That’s just rule # 1.
no AC for me either… I’m currently sitting on the couch in my drawers drinking a beer.
Haha. You said “drawers.”
This post made me really jealous of Lilu.
I know. Home? Argh.
the schweddy balls reference made me giggle a little too much as i haven’t seen the skit in awhile. loves it.
Good good. Me, too. Schweddy balls are never out of season.