I hope a simple “thank you” is enough for yesterday. But for today…
credit: tastygoldfish
This may be too soon… But, it’s not like it was a boat of ninjas.¹
How exactly do we still get into conflicts with guys like these?
Now granted, the world’s foremost pirates are reported as being Somalian. So they’re probably a little darker than Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball. But still. That it’s 2009 and there are people on boats capturing people on boats for the booty seems a little odd, doesn’t it?
No one is prepared for this threat. The NYT has the following as Secretary of State Clinton’s (and therefore the administration’s) response to the return of the ship’s men safely:
Clinton on Wednesday announced new diplomatic efforts to deal with the increasing piracy in the Gulf of Aden and off the East African coast. She endorsed freezing pirates’ assets….
Wait. ”Freezing pirates’ assets?” The pirates have assets? Does squirreling away the ransom you jacked small-nation states’ for count as having assets now? Because that’s starting to sound like recession-proof living.
But the point. It’s not like it was a boat of ninjas, right? Nevermind that there could never be a boat of ninjas. There just isn’t ever a gathering of ninjas that large in a single location, not even at a ninja-training facility. I know ninjas can hide in plain sight — that’s part of the job description — but ninjas only consolidate their efforts when necessary, not just because it would make an awesome movie, for instance (like 3 Ninjas).
But if our problem had been ninjas, if it had been, then I could see how we had no idea where to turn. Because let’s be real: if all the world’s foremost ninjas decided to take out pent-up aggression on us, we’d be ass out. Whereas it seems pirates like to make an entrance, with ninjas, we’d never see it coming.
But at least then, no one could blame the US government for not having a plan. There’s no shock and awe that defeats an army of ninjas. And even if the government got lucky and the shocking awe took care of 3 or 4 ninjas, there’s no way a surge would quell a ninja insurgency.
So what do we do? Study up on ninja movies, maybe? I don’t know. But we should at least put it all in context. Yes: we have a pirate problem. But it could be worse. It’s not like they were ninjas.
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¹By now, most of us have heard about the US-Pirate War of 2009. Now obviously, the fact that anyone’s life was in danger means there won’t be any jokes about the conflict itself. However, that there could even be a US-Pirate war is hilarious and fair game.
Thank goodness we finally have a president that can take on pirates: http://www.good.is/post/number-of-pirates-killed-by-obama-in-two-graphs/
I know people being attacked and held hostage isn’t funny, but the fact that the navies of several large nations are being monopolized by a few dozen guys in boats is pretty hilarious.
Obama be straight jackin’ fools.
I was paying attention right up until the 3 Ninjas reference. Then I got “Rocky loves Emily; Rocky loves Emily” stuck in my head.
I am so, glad, someone other than me remembers that movie.
see? this is exactly why I always stick to pirates in a pirates vs. ninjas argument.
pirates are NO joke
and yes. what MB said!!
You can’t trust a pirate. And, I wanted to say “butt pirate.” Because.
I think the “freezing assets” meaning we will raid all Somalian home improvement stores (?) and take their shovels. You are so right about this, if ninja’s were every to rise up and bitch slap us, we’d be done. Son.
So done. Though DMB is right: if these were real pirates, like real men of genius, and not just wannabes…
The whole pirate thing is a little bizarre- it’s like being stuck in a Kubrick period piece. Barry? Barry Lindon? Are you there?
Wait. Would being like a pirate have gotten me into a Kubrick piece? Damnit.
There’s a booty joke in there somewhere.
There is always a booty joke.
real pirates don’t use ak-47s.
Right. Good point. Only neo-pirates use those. I want some pirate traditionalists.
And also remember real pirates don’t bootleg movies and cds.
No, they don’t. That’s like a teenage pirate phase, at best.
I was going to post a serious comment about how the economic condition in Somalia being so dire, piracy is not only an appealing option, it appears as the only option to many young men. BUT, then I read DMB’s comment, and your comment to the comment. Both were just too funny to follow up with socioeconomic observations.
Hilarious.
I really is a sad state of affairs though.
This is a great point. That there is a need for piracy isn’t funny; not even close. That kind of need-bred result is something with which this world is just too familiar. We see it in our cities; we see it with some terrorism… I just hope I came nowhere close to blurring that line. Because if I did, I was wrong and I’m sorry.
Damn and I was starting to think piracy was becoming a lucrative career again. I’d be the 21st century Grace O’Malley!
MB’s chart says the market is closing fast.
I wish someone would pirate my booty.
You.
That is all.