Yeah, so maybe it’s a man crush. Paul Rudd is awesome.¹ So what? I mean, whatever. It’s not – It’s not like – Look, that’s not the point.
The point is someone wrote the screenplay to my life and invited Paul Rudd to star in its cinematic portrayal. It’s called I Love You, Man and it’s about a newly-engaged guy who realizes he’s lacking in the male friendship department.
Now, I’m not engaged. But when we went and saw the movie a couple weeks ago, I’d lived way too many of the scenes not to notice the uncanny similarities. It was kind of the way I felt watching Ted on How I Met Your Mother for the first time a few years ago.
Let’s work through this. So I don’t do any spoiling, we’ll work off of the trailer.
1. Always been a “girlfriend guy.” Check. I could try to explain, but it’s the kind of truism I can only tell over a few beers.
2. I have been set-up on a man-date that failed miserably when it turned out he was told it was actually a date. Check. It turns out that if people don’t hear you brag about having been with a list of women, if they never catch you with — so to speak — your hand in the honey jar, they assume your sweet-tooth prefers lollipops and licorice sticks. This, of course, is a fallacy, but since when has that stopped anyone?
3. The Devil Wears Prada. Check. Well, no, not really. Saw it, though. Thought Anne Hathaway was cute, but could definitely afford to eat a biscuit, like a biscuit dipped in sausage gravy, maybe even two biscuits. But I own and can recite lines from Love Actually (I even own the screenplay). I also — *sigh* — own a two-CD set called “Piano by Candlelight.” So let’s call this one too close to call, shall we?
4. Reluctant to exert stereotypically male behavior in public, such as guttural screaming. Check. Actually, getting any public aggression out of me has almost never been done. A lot of this is just luck (example: I’ve only ever been swung at once). But a lot of it’s deliberate. I even still do the absurd things my dad insisted decades ago were social rules. For instance, as kids, my brother and I were told to never sit with our legs open in a room with women. Why? You got me. Apparently the netherstick is susceptible to popping out — even through pants — and scaring them or something. He described it as something like “being on display” and that that was rude. Who knows? But to this day, legs crossed.
So what to do?
I’m probably going to see the movie again. Other than that? Absolutely nothing.
I was raised since 8 by a single mom. So yeah: I almost never leave the house without wearing cologne, I’ve always liked cooking at least as much as (if not more than) the ladies I’ve dated and I’m cleaner/neater than most people you’ve ever met. Hell: for Miss Bianca’s birthday this year, I bought her an outfit I put together in the store on my own: three separates — a strapless spring/summer dress, a short, light jacket to wear over the dress for when it gets cool at night and a brightly-colored bracelet because the shades of the dress and jacket were subtle.
But I also love building things, adjusting “the goods” and looking at Salma Hayek, Kate Winslet, Tina Fey and Halle Berry do just about anything. I think a great pair of heels on a woman makes almost everything better. Like any guy, I spend hours a day distracted by thinking about how to recreate positions from the bedroom for the angles in the kitchen, or the levels of the stairs… And I believe playing Madden on my PS3 on one TV screen while watching football on another screen is about as awesome a Saturday or Sunday afternoon as god ever intended.
So I don’t fit into a box. That’s fine. Call me claustrophobic. Or call me a romance comedy kind of guy. I live romance comedies. Romcoms. Get it? Yep. That’s what I’m calling them: “romcoms.”
I take that back. I will never use that phrase again. I have said too much.
_____
¹Matter of fact, Jason Segel’s kinda genius, too.
I think that men who don’t fit into boxes are the same. Plus, a guy that was THAT flexible to fit into a box would scare me. I mean, come on…
I want to see that movie so bad but I went for Fast & Furious instead this weekend. That’s right. I went for the fast cars over the cute comedy. Sue me.
I think a man who could put together an outfit for me would both scare and fascinate me at the same time but then again, my luck with men has fallen mostly into the douchebag category so what do I know?
Can we have a moviefest with Love Actually, Devil Wears Prada and a supermanly movie like Leon the Professional?
[insert bias caveat here] But… I don’t get why it’s scary. I thought, “This works for her body type, and this for her sense of style, and this for her personality… This pushes her envelope a little bit but still makes her feel comfortable.” It means I’ve been paying attention to her. If you’re with someone and you don’t even know what they like to wear, there’s a lot of work to be done. I just wonder why we assume minds are zero-sum; like a guy knowing anything about colors and pairing means he mustn’t have any time to think about vaginas. Trust me: we make time for that. It just seems like a forced categorization Paul Rudd wouldn’t endorse.
But moviefest: absolutely. I will try the Anne Hathaway again. Maybe she looks less starving in HD. And I have no idea what that Leon movie is. This is the only Leon I know.
You really don’t know about Leon the Professional? Oh please tell me you at least know Boondock Saints.
As far as a guy being able to buy a girl clothes and know what she likes…I didn’t say it was BAD thing…I said it was fascinating. The only guy I’ve met that’s been capable of doing that is my Dad…which is why I always go to him for advice rather than my mom.
Boondock Saints: yes. Seen it. Probably twice.
There’s still hope for you yet.
But you must rent the Professional.
Now. Go do it.
And only twice for Boondock Saints? Tsk tsk.
Netflix, here I come.
OK, I have no idea what I meant by “I think that men who don’t fit into boxes are the same”
I’m pretty sure I meant “awesome”. Yeah. Excuse me while I down some more caffeine.
I want to break you of this caffeine dependency. As soon as I finish this Red Bull.
Red Bull is disgusting.
I’m not willing to fight for it.
Beat the caffeine out of her!
I’m not a coffee drinker. Maybe I just don’t know how hard it is.
Bitch, I’ll cut you.
You like Paul Ru-udd… you like Paul Ru-udd…
Only as much as sprinkles on ice cream, and sunshine.
I loved “I Love You, Man” and squirmed the whole time at Rudd. So painful.
I feel the same way, except about being a woman…yes, I am girl as hell, but also crass as shit. People generally don’t fit in to boxes.
Agreed at times. The character was extreme for illustration. The scene where he sneaks into the kitchen, having come home early… Chocolate straws? Dude.
Hmm I was unsure what to think about this movie or whether I should watch it… sounds like I should…
Some really hilarious moments. Like [redacted] and when they [redacted].
Macho men are overrated.
I can’t wait to see this movie.
It was really good. Especially the parts they improv.
Just because so many romance novels feature “Alpha Heroes” doesn’t mean thats what all women want in real life. Give me a beta guy matching your list any day.
Was gonna write: “*points at self* – bundle of contradictions.” But that’s the point: they’re not contradictions, at all.
Whenever I see someone refer to men as “alpha” and “beta” I think of Twilight.
Ok. Apparently I’m going to have to see this movie. I didn’t read the book. But I just can’t be left out of pop-cultural referencing about it anymore.
Do NOT watch the movie. Please don’t.
Read the books though.
They’re like crack.
Must finish The Watchmen, first. Then, maybe.
That movie was fantastic. I saw it Sunday and, like Lem, both loved it and cringed at the same time.
Embrace the man crush.
With arms wide open.
Aw, crap. I just quoted Creed.
Oh man I went to see that yesterday with my friend D, who pretends to be the super macho guy (but isn’t always, on the inside) and we were both cracking up and covering our faces. I absolutely adore Paul Rudd, and I’m not sure most guys could have pulled off that role.
Anyway, I’d rather have a guy like that, than a guy who comes off cool but is really a total douche. Totes magotes.
Paul Rudd is the new Vince Vaughn; except his laugh doesn’t make me want to cover my ears and hide.
I so want to see that movie. I heart Paul Rudd too.
Do it. Doo it.
I have a girl crush on Paul Rudd. Oh yes.
Now if only I could act and be funny on camera…
LOL.
You are a (straight) gay guy; the perfect man?
It’s funny, you possess a lot of qualities that are typically ‘female’, I think we’d balance each other out.
I’m like a boy, perhaps it is because my parents always wanted a son, and predicted I would be male when I was just in my Mama’s womb.
No, I’m not a big sports fan, but I have always had a tendency for motorcycles, many male friends, & play fighting.
Nowadays, I think that my feminine side is on the display. I love stilletoes, I believe a woman can NEVER have too much (or enough) shoes, handbags etc…
I do the manicure/pedi thing, go see my hairstylist every week (Oh, yeah, & I cut my hair like a boy, lol)
BUT
I get along the best with men. I love the shit talking, the disses that go on when I’m hanging with my homeboys. Even the racy details don’t bother me, because I have a very ‘male’ aproach to relationships (except when I’m in love, then it’s just… a mess ). LOL
Anyways. Interesting post, I love how you share the ‘embarrassing’ details…
Miss Bianca would be the first to tell you I’m a healthy, healthy distance from perfect. And she doesn’t lie unless it’s funny.
But yeah: in real life, I wear the “embarrassing” things on my sleeve so openly that I might as well admit them here.
I loved the movie and there’s nothing wrong or weird about being more like Paul Rudd’s character. I think it’s just a part of the generation we’ve grown up in. Plus, Paul Rudd’s cute!
I like that. I think it’s generational, too.
And I totally posted under the wrong name. Lovely. ‘Tis just me!
I like both names. Actually, “Where to, Magellan?” just might catch on around here.
Shhh, it’s the name of the travel blog I’m one day going to launch…
It also happens to be one of my favourite phrases.
*whispers:* This never happened.
I am sooooooooooo buying this movie when it comes out. It’s definitely one of those that gets funnier every time you watch it. God, I love the Awkward.
I’m buying it, too. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even spring for the HD copy.
I love Paul Rudd which apparently means that I love you by proxy.
ps- I like a man who can pick me out an outfit, know how to be a classy guy in mixed company but then throw me against the wall once we get home. (I mean that in a sexy way- not an Ike Turner.Chris Brown way)
Walls are great props. Great.
And aside from my personal objections and those of man-law (to being the Ike or the Chris), my mother has assured me that if I so much as ever thought about raising my hand at a woman that I’d wish the police found me before she did.
Fitting into a preset category is just so boring. Being able to embrace all facets of your personality whether they fit into a traditional gender role or not is so much more attractive than any stereotype.
And I should add that the dress fits me perfectly. Amazing.
Unless that category is suh-weet.
Annnnnd, I am brainless.
I LOVED this movie. I have a “let me sit on your face” crush on both Paul Rudd and Jason Segel.
Repeatedly.
That may be the greatest kind of crush I’ve ever heard of. Good work.
I SWEARTOGAWDDDDDD just a few second ago I emailed my BFF “Cabana Boy” about a sexy dress on bebe.com that I thought would look soooo sexy on his wife “Teen Barbie.” Why didn’t I email her? Because HE DRESSES HER. That’s why!
And his best friends are girls. And she’s sooooo beautiful but such a “dude” like me! wooooot!
See? We can have good ideas, too.
Oh… and NOW I really can’t wait to see I Love You Man. Can you believe Mr. Twinkie took our kids and grandmother to go see it while I was having champagne brunch with my girlfriends? WTF??? Seriously! LOL
You got left out? Tsk, tsk. Everyone in America deserves to see that movie. I may have just made a ridiculous overstatement, but I’m not hitting “backspace.”
That’s the best movie I’ve seen in a while. And now I love Paul Rudd even more.
Can you please teach my boyfriend to cook? Because I’m so tired of making food. If you could also give him clean-up-after-yourself tips that would be awesome!
Haha. Like a seminar?
I love that my husband knows my body, my personality and me enough to pick out clothes that not only flatter but I feel great in. That is strait up sexy no matter how you look at it.
That being said; I would leave D in a second for Paul Rudd.
I kid. Kind of.
Uh huh. “Kid.”
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