It was bound to happen, some day. Mine eyes had seen the glory of the coming of the end. Though there was still a combo-moment of disbelief and silence when my glasses broke in half on Wednesday.
I’ve been correcting my vision for almost 13 years now. Why? Well, because just before my 14th birthday my vision turned wrong. Wrong as in:
me at age 13: Hey, look! It’s Greg.
friend: That’s my sister, dude.
me: *squints* *frowns*
I started with my first pair of glasses in 1996. 1996 was impeccable timing for my eyes to fail. I was already unspeakably excited to enter high school a year younger than everyone. So slapping some poorly-shaped and therefore bonafide game-eliminating, anti-coital lenses on my face seemed like a good idea.*
These lenses I have lost were not that first pair. I can’t show you that first pair – you still respect me and most photos of me from then are in a box somewhere.
But the ones that broke, those captured above on their deathbed, I’d had since senior year in high school. And they were magic. “Magic” like they let me see Salma Hayek in person outside of a dream? No. But “magic” like for a finite time they were infinite. I never changed the lenses. Yet, on a whim, I had them checked while at an Hour Eyes** in the spring of 2008. The verdict? 20/20 with the ten-year glasses on; “you’re fuzzy” with the glasses off.
I’ve been wearing contacts for years, now. So the magic glasses, if ever, only came out at night for the last eight years or so. We had some great moments. But even though they’re gone, I’ll continue to be grateful. Because there are a few things I’m now guaranteed to never see while wearing them:
1. a Jonas brother
2. From Justin to Kelly
3. anyone legitimately break Hank Aaron’s HR record
—
*For the record, the right pair of glasses can make all the difference in the world.
**An experience about as riveting as its namesake pun.
I LOVE my glasses. I would be sad without them.
Yeah… I’m gonna have to find some time and replace mine. Which I guess I’ve wanted to do for a while; like, 8 years.
I got my glasses and braces in 3rd grade. You can just imagine how awesome I looked.
I wear contacts now because I’m basically blind. I like the way I look in glasses, but I hate the lack of peripheral vision.
The real reason I moved to contacts was because glasses suck while playing basketball. But seeing as how that whole basketball thing never really became a career since I haven’t grown taller in ever, it’s probably time to make a change.
I’m sorry to hear that! I’ve had my glasses for like — six, seven years? I keep meaning to go have an eye exam and get new glasses, but I keep putting it off. Meanwhile, I’m afraid they’re going to break every time I take them off and put them on.
You’re just a year or so shy of me. The day is coming.
I started wearing glasses in 1988. Contacts soon followed, in various shades from lilac to emerald, jade to baby blue. These days, I just keep my brown eyes brown and over the past few years, I’ve started wearing glasses again. Cute ones. Trendy ones. I’d be sad if any of them broke.
I’ve been wanting something trendy. This is my window. I am going to jump out of my window. Wait. That sounds dangerous.
Men in the right glasses can be very, very sexy. Just stay away from the angry architect glasses; they are everywhere.
Good look. Anger doesn’t suit me.
I am the worst kitty ever about wearing my glasses…and I find I need them more and more. Damn vanity.
Vanity? Outweighed by the sentiment of the first asterisk.
You could always just use a little duct tape and fix ‘em right up. Duct tape + broken glasses = adorable little dork.
I make an amazing Urkel.
Aww so sad. That happened to me a few years ago. I walked around with taped up glasses for a week before I could get a new pair.
Without them I might mistake a cougar for a house cat. And I think we both know how well that would work out.
I think we do. Though I wish we could’ve conjured some theories on that Friday at the happy hour…
i lost my glasses for a little while at a lingerie show on sat night….they turned up on a drag queens makeup stand…thank god.. i wasnt leaving without em… it could have gotten ugly….
xoxo
I admit when I’ve been outmatched. And your story of glasses (almost) lost kicks my story’s ass.
I’ve needed glasses FOREVER, but every time I go, they say “Hold out a little while longer.”
Apparently I need to step in front of a moving vehicle to convince them it’s time?
Hold out? They don’t even want your money? I think we should push them in front of a vehicle you’re driving and see if it’s been long enough then.
From Justin to Kelly is classic camp. But I’m glad your glasses shielded you from that. I wish mine had in many respects (though it’s fun to make fun of with the five other people in the world that have seen it).
You should find a small box for those glasses and bury them. They obviously were magical if they kept your vision from getting worse. Mine have done nothing but make my vision worse since I started wearing them at the age of 10.
I did love their staying power. But you’re right: sharing the dreadfulness of bad media with others is bonding.
I had very bad vision from childhood so needed glasses or else. I eventually got brave enough for Lasik and am very happy with the results. I have a bit of fuzzy night vision with bright lights, but compared to how blind I once was – it’s a small small small complaint.
Sucks to lose a set of frames that fit well. Sorry. RIP.
Lasik? I want it so badly. However, I also want so badly not to have lasers searing through my cornea. Maybe I’ll just play laser tag without goggles somewhere and hope I get eyesight through absorption?
Just in case you don’t already know the universal rule of acquiring spectacles: you must take a woman with you, said woman may or may not be an ex, a perspective partner, or friend, but she must have exquisite taste.
Sorry about your specs, but consider this an opportunity.
Woman-inclusive rules are a plus. And I think I know just the person.