I have met my bacon quota for 2009.*
Yeah. I met that challenge head first. I ate about 20% of the thing.
It hurt. Bad.
But it was tasty, I think? I just don’t remember much after the first time my spirit collapsed. There’s a funny thing about chasing a bacon-wrapped-sausage-wrapped-bacon loaf with buffalo wings: it FAILS. Your body, that is.
I wanted to cry about it. But the recipe called for a Dead Sea’s worth of salt. So I was completely devoid of moisture. There’s so much salt in my body, I could cough – assuming I ignored social mores and didn’t cover my mouth – and thereby season a pound of ground beef.
And it’s what yesterday is all about.
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*Not that I quit you, Bacon. I just need some space. If I was making you a mix CD, there’d be a Dixie Chicks song on it, because I need wide open spaces… like in my arteries. Because they are clogged.
oh man, that IS a lotta bacon…
yum.
Yeah it is. A lot. There are leftovers. But what do we do with them?
I’m not sure I’m going to be able to eat today. I feel like I need to do one of those detox regimens or something, and I didn’t even eat a full slice of that thing. I think we need to keep you on heart attack watch for at least the next few days.
I will eat more today. I owe it to all those who could not share in our journey.
Yeah, that kind of looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. A tasty heart attack, to be sure, but one nonetheless.
It was actually really funny. All of us surrounded it, when it first came out of the oven, faces full of cheer and wonder. After the first bite? Solemnity.
I support this temporary separation.
It’s good for both of us.
Further proof that the people at the Times love us and want us to be happy.
Perfectly timed release of that story. Also a perfect way to roast yourself to a quadruple bypass.
Oh, wow….I’ve heard about that. I wouldn’t be opposed to trying it, but it seems like it would be better in small servings.
It would be. It definitely, heart-achingly would be.
Where do the buffalo wings go?
Straight to the hips.